Grey as a Finance Minister's smile...

Budget day in Ireland today...

And the weather is docile enough to match the general mood.
It's all gloom and dark thoughts and a big depression coming from the West. Big one, like.

What goes through a Finance Minister's mind as he brushes his teeth before going to bed (on a mattress stuffed with banknotes as Irish Finance Ministers do not traditionally have a bank account)?

"I need money. Jaysus, I need to find big fat bags of money. Fast!
Ok, ok, tax the smokers, easy everyone is always up for taxing the smokers. And the gamblers, bejaysus, was going to forget the gamblers. No one likes them. Double tax on gambling.
Good, good, so far so good. Now what next? VAT? They'll be moaning... ok, half a percent on the higher bracket. And then we'll announce that the tax on cash cards goes down from EUR10 to EUR5. Clever there, they noticed sweat f*** all.
Ok, ok, they are just getting used to bad news, let's announce the 1% percent levy on all incomes. Across the board. That's the spirit of democracy, well done there buddy. 1%. Hardly noticeable. Especially on the smaller wages, 1% of a small wage is f*** all, isn't it? But 1% of a big wage. That hurts. I'm the Robin Hood of public finance.
Ok, ok, let's hit them again. What next? University fees. An extra EUR1,500. Won't be popular that one, I can hear them coming. Unfair chances in life blah blah blah. Discrimination against working class families blah blah blah.
Oh, I was going to forget, while we are on the subject of education. Teachers. No one likes them. Lazy feckers, always on holidays an' all that. Higher teacher/pupil ratio. We'll cram them in the classrooms, you'll see. Will cut down the heating bills.
Heating! Was going to forget that one. An extra 2 euros a week for fuel for old age pensioners. They'll be able to buy not one but TWO big boxes of matches. And they can pick up old issues of the Metro and the Herald AM in the buses and train stations and burn them in their chimneys. Easy peasy.
We are spoiling them, ambassador. We will take away the systematic medical card for the over 70s. We'll have them means tested. That one won't be popular. With the over 70s. The others won't give a f***. Honey? How many over 70s voted us in last year? Is that all? Ah, we can afford to lose them. No sweat.
Now, anything else? Raise the corporate tax maybe. The economy is not all that vibrant and they are shagging off in their droves already anyway... Honey? How many Christmas hampers did we get from IBEC last year? Ok, ok , won't raise the corporate tax just yet. Not this year. Will double the A&E fee to EUR100 instead. Full of drunks fighting at the weekend anyway. And the odd granny with a heart attack. Ok, of to bed now. Big day tomorrow. Mmmm, nice soft mattress. [snore]"