Alas...

...our beautiful new Scotland was not to be.

I saw fairly early on last night the way the di had been cast with the first results coming in.  

I had a call with Es in the wee small hours.  I tried to set expectations gently, I knew she was upset and I wasn't home to give her a hug.  Asked Mr R to make sure she was ok.

There were a few glimmers of hope, Glasgow, North Lanarkshire, Dundee, West Dunbartonshire.

For most of the evening I was pragmatic about this.  In the early hours of the morning the First Minister addressed us and acknowledged our defeat and I wept.  

I wept for my 82 year old father who has worked for Scotland's independence since he was a lad of 16.  

I wept for my Es.  Your first electoral defeat is never easy this one is particularly sore.  For a year plus she had worn her badge on her blazer.  Where she was met with taunt's of "No, No, No" she had provided reasoned and eloquent reasons why "Yes."  In a few hours she had to face her tormentors.

I wept for all those who had registered to vote for the very first time in their lives because they understood that a Scotland governed by the people of Scotland was their only hope to get out of their poverty stricken existence.

And I wept for my Country, that we would not be taking our seat and contributing fully at the World table this time.

On leaving Our Dynamic Earth I made my way to the station to get home to my Es.  I needed to give her a hug and set her up for her difficult day.

Arriving home I was prepared for Es's disappointment but not my wee fella.  As I entered the house he asked excitedly, "Did we win?" "Not this time, son." And he crumpled!  I took him on my knee and cuddled and consoled him.  My wee soul.

I then headed up to my Es.  She was getting ready for school, tears streaming down her face, heartbroken.  I hugged her hard.  Said to her to hold her head high.  We campaigned for what we believed was the better option for all in our Country.  We hadn't persuaded enough this time.  For now we had to accept this and move on as One Scotland just as the First Minister had indicated in his speech.  

My Barmy Army off to school I headed back to the office in a sleep deprived blur.  Caught 40 winks on the train.

On my arrival back I answered a call from a very disappointed elector, grasping at the straw of electoral fraud.  I explained to him that the poll had been conducted in a robust and transparent manner we had to accept we hadn't done it.  My voice was breaking and I was glad when I hung up.  Not quite up to consoling others apart from my children just now.

Around lunch time a man from another office in our building brought us some jam donuts as, "He thought we might need some cheering up."  It was such a lovely and kind gesture.

Mid afternoon we notice that our online membership applications are high and continuing to rise.

At 4.30pm the First Minister gave a press conference and announced his intention to step down as Leader of my Party and First Minister of Scotland.  I have no words.

As I stepped of the train in Stirling I noticed a cheekily placed "Bairns not bombs" sticker on the train window.  It made me smile.