Cancer...

It's 03:53am... I can't sleep.

All I can think about is my blip and why do I keep looking backwards? As the moon shines right in my window and through to the deepest part of my brain... My confused brain at that.

Over the last few weeks I've realised my blips have gone from the usual quirky, slightly mental, me. To the lost, confused, shy, me... And back again and vice versa and so forth...

I have decided I need to start looking forwards. Looking at the NOW. The good in NOW. Because if I keep looking backwards. I'm definitely going to miss something special. I do wish the moon would stop staring at me right now! I should probably just invest in a curtain, although then I wouldn't be able to see the moon and get woken up by daylight I am my own worst enemy.

I decided tonight, to look up my horoscope as sometimes it gives me a bit of a boost an I actually think... Oooo... Maybe that is true...

This didn't quite go to plan. I instead got a huge reality check freak out from what I came across. I typed into google. "horoscope cancer" and the first page to come up had a little list of the characteristics/traits a cancerian(sp?) has. I read it with a huge lump in my throat. (Yes, I think to much but makes a good Blip eh!)

Most likeable traits
Loyal, sensitive and family orietated.
Ok, To those I'm closest too this is me. This could also be anyone so not going to take it too seriously...

Symbol, The Crab
Possessing an impenetrable exterior covering soft flesh underneath.
...sums up a lot of people I know but yes, totally me again... I bottle up a lot of things inside... Which I know isn't healthy but its easier than landing them on other people. I do have 2 certain special friends who I know I can go to if I need too. I can't control a lot of my life, but I try not to let it eat away at me, when it does on an hourly basis. I try to be wonder woman on the outside. For everyone else's sake. And also for my own as it is much easier. On the inside I'm more like marshmallow woman and a melted marshmallow at that...

Ruling Planet, The moon
...Insert lump in throat... I have a serious love affair with the moon. It's staring in my bedroom window right now. I could sit an watch it for hours. I used to look up at it and think of a certain someone looking back at me. Sadly she was looking at it thinking of someone else and I moved on and looked at the moon in the same way for someone new.. All four of us, the moon. No matter where they were how far apart we were, I knew she'd have one eye on it, doing exactly the same thing. She was doing it for someone else though, I was later on to find out. What a mess. Everything happens for a reason. I'm not sure who else I'm looking at towards the moon but I know it hits me where it hurts.


Element, Water
Further to my love affair with the moon, I also have a serious connection with water. Lunan Bay is my heaven. Luna / meaning moon?! Coinsidence?! I could sit beside any water for hours, literally watching its every stroke... Who needs drugs when you can get a total relaxation from natural waves. The sound sometimes takes over my head and can be too loud but I LOVE it. I get completely lost and zone out to the point time feels like it has stopped.

Dominant keyword : I feel
Hmmm...

Magical birthstone, moonstone & Pearl
Changes bad fortune into good & discord into harmony. It also brings support from influential people.
Wow, well... As I previously mentioned in a different Blip the day I was born. My Granma gave to me a Pearl from the River Tay. 1989. It was one of the last Pearls to come out of the Tay. And is probably worth a heck of a lot of money. To me. It is priceless. Yet the most valuable thing to my heart. I always wear it when I play in concerts, maybe that's how I keep in tune?

On my 21st Birthday last year, I was to get the Pearl made into some sort of Jewellery. I decided i wanted it to be a necklace so it was close to my heart. My Mum and Dad took me into Montrose to see a designer. He had some brilliant ideas, but none of them were right... Not for me anyway. I sat for what felt like an eternity watching him draw endless ideas for the necklace, he raked through Celtic books looking up 1989, 21 and then came to the letter J. He drew out some Celtic J's but still... I didn't feel that click... The switch I needed for it to be right... He handed me his pad of paper and his pencil and said... Your J... How do you draw a J... So I took the paper and pencil and signed it... My signature. That was it. Set in stone. Their was only one answer and you can see it in my Blipfoto.

I love it.

A certain someone got this J tattooed to her achilles heel... She only told me after she had it done. A long time after we split. Part of me hates the fact she got it tattooed it makes me feel physically sick but deep down, I like it. Influential people. Hmm.

Special Flower: larkspur & Acanthus
Ok, so my flower knowledge isn't the best but when i googled larkspur... The exact flower that i'm sure flew in my chums door when i was down for some vodka therapy is this flower. Weird. I think I'm now over thinking!.

Special colours, sea green and silver
The shimmering colours of the water and the moon
See previous comments... Blue and Silver being my favorite colours...

Lucky numbers, 3 & 7
100% True. These are two of my lottery numbers. 3 being the day and month my brother was born and 7 is just a lucky number.

Lucky day: Monday
Not sure why yet... Usually the day I'm most organised/go for a run at night.

Part of the body ruled by cancer, the breasts and the stomach.
Well what can I say...

My alarm is going to go off in 2 hours + 20 minutes...sigh...

12.35pm... Sitting at work feeling super down. My boss is throwing insults at me an talking down to me. She has some nerve. I'm not going to put up with it much longer. Work to job. Work to job. No more, no less. I deserve better than this. She slammed my work in my face yesterday enough to make me flitch as I thought she was going to thump me. Probably the reason I got no sleep last night... Unhealthy. It can only get better. Roll on 3.15pm when I can get out of here and calm down.