Voting...

Well I'm sure like many of you, I shall vote. I shall probably post this after I've voted cause I'm planning on finding something appropriate to blip at the polling station. If there's a picture of a duck or something, you know that I failed!

I'm going to vote because I believe it's the right thing to do. I'm a big believer in doing the right thing. I'm not sure that my view is always right but it is to me and that's generally all that matters. Women fought long and hard to give us the right to vote burning bras and the like, so I'm going, because those bras mattered!

I read on LadyF's blip today about the Pirate Party and actually, if I had a candidate in my area from the Pirate Party then I would seriously consider voting for him/her, provided of course he/she was actually dressed as a pirate cause if not then that's false advertising as far as I'm concerned.

I feel it's only right to point out that I have no interest in politics. I don't get involved in political discussions and I don't store any information that just isn't relevant to my daily life. I actually just don't care unless it affects me directly. However, I do like to complain when things are not right which is the other reason that I go and vote. If I don't then I have no right to complain. And I like a good rant. I'm on first name terms with the dog wardens because I can't abide people allowing their dogs to shit on the paths. I take photos from my living room window and email them to the dog warden. Do not allow your dog to shit on the park opposite my house while I'm hanging out the window having a ciggie because I will blip your ass to the dog warden. I have no qualms about being a grass. If I thought you'd listen, I'd shout out the window at you. As it happens, the local gentry with their shell suits and staffies are unlikely to listen so I'm a grass and I'm proud of it!

While we're on a rant, don't allow your children to drop litter as I will shout at them, and indeed at you if I catch you. I have a school behind my flat and since I'm the busybody who arranges the stair cleaning and the grass cutting, I'm also the one who sees the litter that comes into the garden from the school playground. It was denied when I suggested to the headmistress that the children are responsible. Interesting to hear where they thought the crisp packets, sweetie papers and juice cartons were coming from. Two bin bags full on one sweep. I took photos of those and emailed them to the school, to the local councillor and to Jack McConnell when he was around (personally delivered no less) so I do like to know who I have to complain to when it comes to election times. There is minimal litter in the garden now. Result.

So today, I went on the hunt for said local candidates, online of course, given that we're in the 21st century and do you think I could find any information as to what their values and policies are? No... I could not. I know that one has six siblings and supports Hibs, I know that another does very good work with the mentally ill, a third didn't even have a photo so I've no idea what he looks like... but I don't know what any of them are going to do for me. As much as all that personal information is lovely, I'm really not interested in what they like to eat for breakfast. I want to know about the stuff that will matter to me.

However, I don't want to know it from a shoddy piece of paper that some arse leaves sticking half in and half out of my letterbox... that really pisses me off or stuff that's wedged behind the door when I get home from work that stops me getting in when I'm dying for a piss that also gets right on my tits so I'd really like something that doesn't require recycling, that's not wasting trees and that some eejit doesn't have to put through my letterbox. I'm actually quite delighted that they've stopped tying that shit to lampposts! Nor do I want you to knock on my door when I'm in the middle of a hair dye episode or trying to eat dinner. My friends don't turn up unexpectedly and want to come in for a chat, why would you think it was okay for a stranger to do it? No. I want to browse your policies at MY leisure, not at yours.

I decided that I'd vote on the candidate rather than the party cause let's face it, they're all a bunch of complete tossers who are avoiding getting a real job because they think that an expense account and the glamour of the building that cost ridiculous amounts of money wasted millions just like the tram debacle is a far better option to be seen to be helping the community... get out there and do some voluntary work if you want to help the community you skiving waste of space!!

Sorry... off on a tangent again... I have a friend who works for one of the parties, who shall remain nameless, so I asked her about the candidate that I liked the look/sound of (from the limited information available) and she advised me that he was a very pleasant chap and was worthy of a vote, if only to keep her in a job. She also pointed out that he had a PA who was like a dog with a bone when something was brought to his attention! He instantly won my vote, or rather his PA did. In my world, an efficient PA is worth her weight. My boss is particularly lucky even though I'm not a PA any more.... yes nice car boss, that's you!

I told my friend in a somewhat jokey manner that I would expect him to be at the polling station this evening when I went along to vote. She said that he probably wouldn't be as it was a long day... 7am till 10pm... and now my vote is starting to waiver... one day, you're expecting people to come out and vote for you yet you can't pull off a 15 hour shift? Hmmm... you see now I'm really not that impressed... our nurses/doctors/police/firemen/etc. etc. etc. are all pulling off those sort of shifts on a daily basis and that's not only physical but emotionally challenging and you can't stand around in a polling station peddling your wares?

I also stated my displeasure at the state of their websites and the lack of information available about their campaigns. I advised that she would do well to pass on this information and perhaps instead of wasting money on paper that goes in the bin, they could employ someone to build them a website that was worth looking at. I asked her to tell him that he could count on my vote if he gave her a job.

Already I've lost faith and I've not even voted yet! How do these people expect to run our country when they can't run themselves to please the people they expect to vote for them for one day? One day! Let's face it, I'm pretty sure once they have your vote their enthusiasm falls a little...

But women fought long and hard... blah blah blah...

My friend came back to me and said that she'd told him he had my vote... and he'd asked if I was hot!!! Seriously?! Clearly he's got a busy day! Obviously the curiosity was too much for me so I emailed back and asked what her response was... she said 'I was a bit hit with men' and that made me laugh... I'm not sure whether she meant a big hit or a bit shit!!

So it's off I go to the polling station!

And incidentally... I passed two polling stations on the way home. One had a candidate literally skulking outside having a sly fag and looking guilty when I actually laughed out loud at him and the other had a lady fixing her rosette and she never even looked up as I walked on by. My polling station, as you can see from the over processed photo well I had to do something to make it look vaguely interesting there wasn't a soul there. No-one to suggest I vote for them, not even a shifty looking sod smoking a ciggie!! Disappointing.

I resisted the urge to write 'I heart trams' in big sarcastic letters across my voting paper. Perhaps I should take a leaf from my brother and shred the card when it comes in. However, I won the long, boring (a bit like this post) fight I had with them to be removed from the voting roll online so I feel shredding the card would be a tad rude.

*yawn*

Are you sleeping yet? If not, why not?!