What did you say ugly?

There is an old saying, "Don't pick on somebody with facial scars."

I'm certain this little scar and the raised Roger Moore wooden eyebrow have saved me from many confrontations in the past. Mrs Booty reckons that when I get Teasy, which is rare, the scar goes white and people back off. What nice folk I mix with.

Asked how I received such a lumping I usually explain it was caused by an impact from a piece of timber. This brings on thoughts of nasty people and nasty times.

The truth is slightly, just slightly different. It was caused by impact with a piece of timber, true. However the timber was the corner of an armchair I collided with as a two year old numpty. I have a recollection of being dragged howling to hospital while my life blood pumped away into a nappy, then nothing.

Now don't upset me, there's nobody here to hold my jacket or hold me back! Luckily. Meek and mild that's me.