The storm in my head

Today I wanted to go to the big March for Earth Day which was one of the biggest in the country. But I could not in the end.

Today there was a storm in my head. I had seen it coming for days. I am ok because now I can see them coming like a good weather girl. It started with waking up early and feeling electricity sparkling in my brain. Sometimes it is words battling and racing in my brain, sometimes the loudness of images rushing, but today it was electric currents. It does get overcharged in there. Though I tried to go back to sleep, the headache came on. With the worries of course. And the inextricable sadness. It rises sneakily like a veil of fog one does not see at first. And like fog, well, it fogs you in I guess. I tried to make it go away, went for breakfast downtown, for some shopping ( trying on pants: not the greatest thing on a stormy day.) I saw the people converge to the start of the walk, dressed in great unearthly costumes. It seemed so festive. But in the end the dark clouds crowded my head. Just like a stinky rainstorm really, it just is.

So all one can do is go home and take cover. Just let the storm past through. I cried a lot and it did. Leaving me cold and tired just like coming home all soaked and chilly.

Thanks to M&D for understanding. I got a big wonderful virtual hug from one and a patient raincheck from the other. And it does help. Now laying on my bed, writing this listening to beautiful sad music. Do not believe that it is awful to be in my head though, I would not be anywhere else. There is so much beauty in my head, images and creativity and whole universes in and outside of it too!

Low and behold, while it normally blooms just one flower in the fall, a plant that has survived me for years decided to give me a flower today. So I got something to blip after all.

Here is some music which I hope will help you understand what it is to be inside of me.

During the storm:
The rain falls and the sky shudders - Moby
When it's cold I'd like to die - Moby (and no I would not, but I don't want to swim forever either)
Words - Mistress Barbara

After the storm:
Wait for me - Moby
Draw my life - Fauxliage

My happy music:
Anything by Imogen. She is beautiful and brilliant. : )
Who you are - Mistress Barbara's last record is wonderful
Ladytron because I love them and they are quirky and make me dance.

Music makes my life happy. That and my loved ones.