Conception made easy

Insert credit card.

Select sex (male OR female).
Select race (beware of country of intended residence).
Select hair colour.
Select eye colour (for both sides).
Select age (1 month to 7 year old)
Select IQ (Jade Goody to Noam Chomsky)

Your child will be delivered down the chute in: 7 seconds
Please present your receipt before collection.

Terms and conditions:
No refund, no exchange.
No after-sale customer service.
The product and its actions will be your sole responsibility for the next 18 years.
Do not expose to Teletubbies, Sponge Bob, the X-factor, top-up mobiles phones, Bebo, the Internet in general, single gender schools, designer clothes, drugs of any class, alcohol, peer pressure and McDonalds food.