Mistress of All She Surveys

I am the mistress of all I survey. The landscape, the weather, what's her face precious thingy. I am the mistress of the green and the blue and the.... I command the water still and the day dry. Oh listen...all ye of little faith...for I have the power?

Cue for a song?

I am Maud the Mighty (don't get carried away). I am the fiercest guard dog this side of Rochdale. In the whole of Lancashire. In the North West..... (We need to have words about that. The man is cleaning our drains.) I am attitude dog! I am not to be messed with. I am...

....Really interested in tissues. I collect them like some people collect stamps. And fluffy toys. And soft blankets.... I like to smell flowers and dance with the fairies...

(Too many snaps today and a degree of general miffedness. I thought sleeping was supposed to help? Grrrr...)