Unbidden Reflections

The efficiency of God continues to astound me. I really didn't want to go to work today. Really felt a strong need to get my own house in order after neglecting so much for so long, yet, the need to touch base at work, and orient myself to unfinished business, called to me more strongly and insistently, so that is where I began.

Grateful now, as I see the plan was bigger than mine. It was a plan to draw out the emotion that lie somewhere deep under the surface in a place I, myself, could not get to. The first few hours were catch up, respond to calls...normal stuff. But from 11 to 1, there was a workshop on my schedule that took me to the local Community College where memories that were layered so thick flooded my mind and welled up in my emotions.

I was probably 13 or so when I first visited this place as a partaker of courses offered to the community, and the tremendously diverse reasons I have been on this campus as student, instructor, musician, bride (my beloved and I were married in the building on the right...which is a long story that I will save for another day) and today as a blipper! Even as I looked around from the end of this dock on my break, I pondered the three blippers that I know of who work on this campus...maybe more...and wondered if there would ever be an end to the ways I would relate to this place!

The layers of relationships, projects, peaceful walks, conversations, tears (I'm a girl, there are very few places where I have spent a lot of time that I didn't eventually cry about something!) laughter, music, theatre, employment, the memories flooded in as I pondered the ripples in the reflections of the trees on the water, and with them, the waves of emotion.

Just the scent of these buildings, the library when I walk inside...all the buildings, really, stir powerful feelings of contentment and a desire to never have anything change. It would be so easy to hide myself away in the halls of these buildings and rest here a good long time while experiencing the past in living color without having to speak a word. There are few places left that stir these feelings for me and I am far more vulnerable to these sentiments right now than I had realized.

After returning to the office in the afternoon, I cut the day short and took some leave to go rest my exhausted mind...I thought. OctoberBaby, I wanted to see the movie, and decided a few hours in a theater would be a break from everything, so I told my beloved I was going to take some leave and he joined me there, neither of us aware that the movie would deal with the issue of twins and the loss of one of them in addition to it's main story line. This stirred a whole new set of emotions in me, being aware that Paul had been a twin and had not known, for many years, that his sister had not made it.

Empathy can really be inconvenient sometimes. Reflections open the faucet, allowing for the watering of the soul. I feel tired and restful tonight. Somewhat relieved of something I didn't know I was carrying.

We are learning bits and pieces about Mother Comfort's life and world that we didn't know before. The insights are so helpful in understanding some of her actions. At times I wish she had been more able to share candidly about her life, at other times, I enjoy following the trail for those who may care to know someday. Little notes she left for 'someone' to read some day. Some of them just address Paul directly. Health tips, cooking tips, instructions to keep your eye out for cougars...yet another story, oh my.

Well, let me just go back to this picture...I stood here, on this dock, in my wedding dress in 2004. There are few places on the planet that hold more memories giving cause for reflection than this campus and I didn't even know I was planning to go there today until I saw my schedule this morning. I think, in the long run, the perfect thing to do today.