The hand of dog

"When I was chosen by the 'Hand' to be the next Port Appin character I though 'great stuff'! After years of being stuck on a plastic sprue I was about to be set free, life couldn't get worse than being imprisoned in that cardboard box with 300 other Preiser figures".

Then he said, "Brace yersel", stuck a scalpel up my ar*e and covered me 'ed in paint".

S*d this for a game of toy soldiers I thought, "Where's that bloody box gone"!!!.