Baptism and a Rose

Two things that I'm not sure I want to talk about, but then it is good to let things out, though not always.
Baptism
Some baptisms were happening today, and a few more on sunday. My mom has been pushing me to get baptized, or just questioning me why I haven't signed up for it yet. And really, I'm just conflicted. I feel like I shouldn't do it yet, because I don't have any passion, and there's so much I want to fix before I feel "qualified." But then, isn't that the whole point? To baptize is to declare my faith in God, and have the faith to let him fix me. To trust in his will, and his plan. But I want that control. Even if I don't know what I am doing at all.
a Rose
made in clay, because I hate the thought of the thing dying off and being thrown away. Sure they smell nice, and look nice, but they only last for a few days if treated poorly, and a few weeks if not. This should create a something that will last "forever." And you can glue it together if it breaks.
But the symbol of it... That ship has sunk, and I'm not even sure if I gained a friend. It feels more forced, and she's got her sights on somebody else anyway. So does that mean I should just back away? not even try for a friend?
maybe that's the right thing to do. Detach those strings and just leave. Makes me sad just thinking about it, but how many times have you done that already without thinking?
So, maybe the lesson to learn is always:

An end always hurts, but it was worth it.