Tattered

Loneliness and desperation...In an unexpected wave, I am tossed mercilessly into their sea of pain. I grasp for the untouched, unblemished happy corners in my life, which are suddenly becoming exposed to the drab grey that are a part of these two foes. I thought if I could shelter them, that they would always be that part of life that I could hold as I felt myself slipping into the abyss. But I find that holding onto the happiness is like holding shards of glass, some are sharply broken pieces and they dig into my heart and tear my soul to shreds. They wrap me in hurt so painful, I find I cannot breathe and I cannot stop the bleeding of my dying heart.

I sometimes become wracked with these fits of uncontrollable bursts of waterfalls, where my whole body is wretched back and forth between the good, the bad, and all the hurt that lies in-between the extremes. It's a hard place to be, and when you get there, you're alone...Even in a crowded room with cheering voices, you are desperately alone. I scream at the top of my lungs for someone's hand to pull me safely away, and I'm still unavoidably alone. No one can go with you when you hit the bottom...

I am stumbling for some safe hold. I am trying to grasp something that isn't going to shatter my will to keep going and to be stronger, something that will pull me out of this deep and desperate moment...These times feel like they are consuming me, even though I feel they shouldn't. Yet even the happiest will shed tears of sadness, even the richest will feel poor...So here I fall, and fall again.

Then, through the starkness of blinding dark, I see this bright vision before me, this amazing aura of light. Suddenly I'm not holding anything, but someone is holding me. I am wrapped in this glorious love, and I feel a spark of strength and courage coming from this spectacle and yet I am humbled by these wings of comfort. I use the power of this purified love to guide me back. I become one with this spiritual being that encompasses me in everything that is holy and time and again, no matter how deep and desperately desolate I may be, my guardian angel always brings me back.