Misery.

Another self portrait, I know. But you see, I feel worse than I look, and I look miserable.

I didn't sleep last night. I couldn't, even when I tried, 8 times. Instead I got up and went running, threw up on the pavement, and then ran some more, collapsed and cried. I miss my girlfriend, I miss being happy. Moreover, I miss how easy everything used to be.

There's been weeks now where i've gone to bed considering getting dressed again, and walking up the road to the dual carriage way, and taking my own life. I don't think I care anymore, it's sad, because once, I was so happy.

Stupidest thing is, I am happy. I have a gorgeous girlfriend, and loads of amazing friends, but there's just this thing, eating me alive. Maybe there's something wrong with me. I wouldn't know, because these days I really couldn't care any less, if there was something wrong with me, I wouldn't care if I failed all my exams, I wouldn't care if I was dying, I wouldn't care if the ground swallowed me up and kept me forever.

~

Some days I want to die.
I'm not sure why
I don't sit an cry
I just don't want to try.
It's all a lie.
I'll cut my thigh
And ask myself why
I want to die
But before I try
I start to cry
Because really, I
Don't want to die.
It's all a lie.