the T junction

in my bag are two envelopes. Two doors; a T junction. One contains confirmation that I have gained enough of a bonus (just about) to pay my fees if I get into the uni . The other is offering me a permanent senior job.

One feels like the escape tunnel, the other a gurney at the end of a long prison sentence. I know the direction to take obviously, but there's this tiny feeling of unpeeling. Like a slither of skin or wallpaper you start to tug and the whole wall comes down.

I feel a shadow of me turn one way and me another. It was a tiny sensation. Microseconds. Then it was lost in an unexpected rush of pride. I've done this. I'm a little bit closer to where I go next. Don't think I realised how strange it would feel to tick off parts of a plan I used to think was completely beyond me. So many people would be perfectly happy with the job, what am I doing? how will I live? Not sure yet where I will live or how I will eat (I'm not a banker!! this was a fairly moderate bonus). I sat in the park at lunchtime to calm down. I know this is the beginning of the end.

Just the application decision to go (every knuckle and ligament plaited in hope)

It will all work out