Extreme Measure

I laid out on the deck this afternoon and just broke down in tears.

My back hurt, my hips hurt and I had pins and needles down both legs. I was going through a period of no pain until I started my pain management and back course. Then my movement has also been limited by years of pain.

I originally injured my back when I was a teenager but up until a year or so a go it was manageable and I could even still touch my toes - I can hardly bend over now we dont even know what happened to make it go to such extreme measures of pain (paramedics picking you off the floor is not fun).

I know the reason why the pain, I know that any actual injury has long since healed, I know that I am not actually damaging my back. But oh goddess it hurts.

I know that as I keep up the exercises it will get better and as it gets better I will be able to do more, the muscles are having to relearn to support me in the way that they are meant to. I know all that and hey who knows I might even be able to touch my toes again!

But right now it hurts and I just want to give up (but I wont promise I even managed a couple of little stretches while out there).

Now while I was outside sobbing the tranquillity of the outside noise was lovely - the birds and insets, Luna doing Luna stuff, Ferd - well Ferd was more trying to work out why his mummy was lying on the deck crying. But then the neighbour put on some music (loud - hope this is not a sign to come for the summer) the music in question was 80s Madonna (not even sure if our neighbour is old enough to have listened to it first time round) well lets just say that Mr Mouse and my music choice is a little different (ok I dont mind a bit of 80s cheese) but we listen to a mix of Classical, classic rock, heavy metal (ok thats more me than Mr Mouse) and a little folk (I know odd mix but hey I do love a bit of 'oh fortuna' followed by 'Welcome to the Jungle' then maybe a bit of 'House of the Rising Sun').

Anyway in desperation to drown out the music Mr Mouse wrapped a towel and a pair of my jeans from the clean laundry pile on his head.

But hey it cheered me up