My name is not Michael Caine.

Not a lot of people know that you know.

My name is Alfie. No, not Jude Law either. I am not a remake.

There I am see, playing with my pals on Leith Links in the glorious sunshine when this geezer comes over wiv a camera. What's happening here I says to myself. What's 'is game? Is he goin' to get between me and the girl dogs?

Well, wouldn't you know. Turns out he wasn't interested in stoppin' me chasing a bit of girly dogs round the park after all. Though he did grab my lead when I went shootin' off after one cute little thing that barked on by.

No, he just wanted to snap a few pics of my glorious cuteness for this blip thing he does. At least that's his story.

Well, why not I say. After all, those girls out there need somebody gorgeous like me to look at now don't they?