Mom.

To the woman who raised me, the one most call a mother.

I think back and realize that I don't hate you and I don't regret all the years I lived under your roof. I gave up on trying to understand why you made the decisions you did and just came to accept them. You're a different person now than when I was just a little thing. I would wrap my thoughts around every situation with you that went wrong and try to figure out what I did to make you so angry with me, but today I'm saying that it wasn't my fault and never was.

There was a time where to everyone I was a bad person but you created that person. You made me believe that I was the person you created but today I will no longer believe that.

You traumatized me forever by the decisions you made. I sit back and remember that when I was 9 years old, you had me go to my fathers open casket and meet unfamiliar faces. You had me go to my fathers funeral and watch tears run down strangers faces and I looked around wondering why?

A few years passed and I was a curious 12 yr. old and you showed me the funeral. You grabbed his wallet that he died with and you had me hold it. I am forever scarred.

Today I'm laying it down and letting you know that I forgive you. You think I'm in the wrong and that is okay. I have realized that I'm not and you just need to forgive yourself. I'm ready to love you but I cant do that until you start loving yourself and the family you still have.