Flowers...

...tortured to suit my mood, following a long dark night of the soul. My head plays tricks on me when I'm tired. Last night on my way to bed I was convinced I was a ghost walking through my own house, not a living person at all; the weirdest sensation (until the next one). Usually I manage to look at all these odd transient symptoms dispassionately, and treat this whole brain thing as an adventure which I'm fortunate enough to still have the acuity of mind to observe and comment upon; many don't, and suffer intense frustration at not being able to articulate how they feel. Not much sleep was had, owing to an intense fear of dying alternating with a total lack of fear of death. I'm not explaining it very well - it sounds odd I know. I'm still posting pictures because that's one of my coping strategies, but commenting has dwindled and that makes me feel a bit guilty after I get so much support on here....


The Dark Night Of The Soul
By Saint John of the Cross
Translated by A.Z. Foreman

Once in a dark of night,
Inflamed with love and wanting, I arose
(O coming of delight!)
And went, as no one knows,
When all my house lay long in deep repose

All in the dark went right,
Down secret steps, disguised in other clothes,
(O coming of delight!)
In dark when no one knows,
When all my house lay long in deep repose.

And in the luck of night
In secret places where no other spied
I went without my sight
Without a light to guide
Except the heart that lit me from inside.

It guided me and shone
Surer than noonday sunlight over me,
And lead me to the one
Whom only I could see
Deep in a place where only we could be.

O guiding dark of night!
O dark of night more darling than the dawn!
O night that can unite
A lover and loved one,
A lover and loved one moved in unison.

And on my flowering breast
Which I had kept for him and him alone
He slept as I caressed
And loved him for my own,
Breathing an air from redolent cedars blown.

And from the castle wall
The wind came down to winnow through his hair
Bidding his fingers fall,
Searing my throat with air
And all my senses were suspended there.

I stayed there to forget.
There on my lover, face to face, I lay.
All ended, and I let
My cares all fall away
Forgotten in the lilies on that day.