How to feel about funerals

My cousin passed away last Wednesday and today was her funeral. In all honesty I hadn't seen her in a number of years but I wanted to go today to pay my respects to a genuine, loving, caring woman. I have a lot of cousins on that side of the family and I don't get to see them often.

It's been a mixed bag kind of a day. Watching Maggie's loved ones grieve at the loss of a wife, a mother, a daughter, a sister, a niece, a friend is terribly emotional. But then afterwards joining the family for coffee and getting an opportunity to speak to them and catch up on their lives has been really lovely. They are a lovely family and it really was nice to see them all and their grown up families, despite the circumstances.

So how do I feel about funerals? Today I have felt a real sense of loss but also an appreciation of the love which is felt within my own family. I guess it's what Maggie's 7 brothers and sisters meant when they said it's a real comfort that people have shown how much they care. I know they've given her a good send off and they will appreciate those who offered condolences.

I also feel guilt that I actually enjoyed part of today, despite the sad occasion. With us all being scattered around the country, in reality my only opportunities to see my cousins now are likely to be at family funerals. That makes me really sad. But I think it is true of many people who try to cram so much in to life nowadays, much like myself.

When I get home tonight I'll ensure I give Colin a massive hug and tell him how much I appreciate him. I'm sure it's what Maggie would have wanted....