I am the long suffering Jayne Upton.....

.....as it is my birthday (well it was last Monday but hey ho) Jane has kindly allowed me to do the write up so I can clarify our friendship a bit

I have known Jane for too bloody many...a few years now. I want to tell you what a sweetheart she is. She isn't though. She has lead me up more paths of doom than I care to mention...coach-arsing-trip....fights in hotels...making me do wee's in my pants, but still I am here. She drives me mental with her screeching, her stubbornness, her violence, her shallowness and her teeny tiny blackened heart but yes...STILL I am here.

Jane, you have crept into my heart and wheedled your way onto my family tree like poison ivy but my life is better for you being in it. I love you prick and thank you for being my friend xxxxx

P.S my gifts were ACE and I love Paula too xxx