Here & Now

Danté and I went on a really great walk today. Nowhere new, just one of our favourite paths but somehow with the frost sparkling in the sun and Danté sticking his head into every bush, picking up every twig and generally having a great mischievous time it felt different. At the top of the hill the view was absolutely stunning, I could see right out across Edinburgh, East Lothian and over to Fife.

Somehow taking a photograph of the view felt wrong, I couldn't possibly capture the feeling that went along with the beauty. It was like looking down and seeing the entire world. Right there at that moment I felt alive, I felt connected to what I was seeing. My breath was white in the cold air and there was total silence aside from the birds singing. If I could have frozen that moment and kept it like that for all eternity just held it and stayed there then there is no doubt that I would have.

I want to experience that again.


Fifty/Fifty is a strange statistic. It's like choosing 'unsure' on a questionnaire, not a yes, not a no. A flip of a coin, tails you win, heads you lose. I never know where I am with 50/50 it's not like 80/20 where at least the numbers give something of a hint about which way things may go.

Today's picture is of a necklace I wear and a representation of the 50/50 I've just talked about. My necklace is an "awareness" one representing brain tumours. As with so many things there is an awareness ribbon for various types of tumour. Grey is brain and I think everyone now recognises that pink is breast cancer. I prefer the necklace to a ribbon as I can wear it discreetly covered by a tee-shirt. I know it's there and what it means and that is the important thing.

My forthcoming treatment has a fifty/fifty possibility of working as it should and getting rid of the tumour. I daren't flip a coin to test which side it might land on, it would be like tempting fate.

Heads. You lose.