Guest Entry # 7 Sabrina Luisi

Ok, so before you jump to any conclusions, this delightful creature captured above, is not me.

It is, in fact, my housemate/colleague/depressingly closest thing I've got to a boyfriend right now. This is Andrew.

Some of you will know him, some will no doubt have heard of him, or at the very least, heard him.

Now to context... Despite our 'odd' furniture (a mermaid table made of glass is the principle feature in our flat - not my choice), we do not have train chairs in our home. So it's logical to conclude, we're on a train..

We're on a train and have been for some time. Andrew has slipped into some kind of diabetic coma and I am concerned about the lady opposite's fake tan situation, whereby she seems to have faceplanted an Oompa Lumpa.

Then suddenly, Andrew starts twitching. Much like a dog having a nightmare or a baby with pins and needles ( similies were never my forté), its the kind of subtle twitching that makes you think maybe your eyes have forgotten to blink. But no, there he goes again! Definite twitching!

I start to smirk, not giggle, ( because, let's be honest, giggling is cute and smirking is a bit mean and it's clear which camp I fall into here) I'm a little smug here too because I have managed to stay awake and avoid such social faux pas as Train Twitching. I judge him for embarrassing himself on a train in front of Oompa Lumpa Lady. I overtly take a picture and think, "that's for Twitter". Smirk.

But then the unthinkable happens. Just as I am pointing my phone in his face, I realise that Oompa Lumpa and in fact, everyone else in the vicinity, doesn't know that Andrew and I are friends, because he's conveniently been asleep for an hour!

They look at me like I'm some kind of train pervert. The kind of person that waits for smartly dressed men to fall asleep on trains so i can photograph that inside of their mouths. That kind of pervert.

I don't want to be a Train Pervert. To convince them that, I am indeed a chum, I start to tidy his stuff for him. But as I pick up his wallet, I realise I am now a Perverted Train Thief. Shit.

The realisation of my new status hits me and I abandon the smirking and start to giggle and a few heads turn. The more I laugh, the more people look and my face starts to match Oompa Lumpa's in a way that Dulux would be proud of. I'm ashamed of myself and regretting my attempts to be funny, but I can't stop the giggles, chuckles (and possibly a hiccup) from spilling out!

Inside, I'm outraged. Somehow, Andrew's weird twitchiness has led to ME making a complete tit of myself. I hope he wakes up soon and can help me clear my name. But if he's anything like me, he'll see the picture is already on Twitter and will let me live out the rest of this journey as Train Pervert-Thief.

Damn, this wasnt the legacy I'd hoped for.

Av fun folks and remember my plight next time you're photographing people's mouths on trains.

P.S I wanted a picture of Oompa Lumpa lady but didn't want to push my luck..