Beach

Not an original title i'll give you that but I hope the picture will speak louder. My mom loves the ocean, she draws strength from it the same way I do with mountains, I miss mountains, there is an assurance in how ancient they are I love this one line from the Prince of Egypt, it's a song "and the stone that sits on the very top, of a mountains mighty face, doesn't think it's more important than the stones that hold the base" there's just something about it.

My mom asked me where I would rather go Aberdeen or Dundee, I don't know in all honesty they both sound amazing. Dundee is right next to the river Tay but the scenery of both is amazing, Aberdeen is bigger than Dundee but in all honesty i've never lived in a big city i've lived in what can almost only be described as a suburb, an odd existence in China, inside walls with guards, but I love walls and I love guards, I don't see them as an intrusion of my privacy or something should be feared, the wall made me feel safe in case of a zombie apocalypse and the guards were friendly, I loved saying hi to them every time I came and went.

I'm watching Castle now, I accidentally filmed a whole marathon. I can't help thinking that Kate and Castle are freezing to death and they could be saved if they just stripped and used body heat, it's ridiculous that they don't. Whats wrong with the portrayal of the human body or references to sex, I may not have had sex but i'm completely casual in regards to it, society is obsessed with sex, either repressing it because if we can't see it or don't hear about it, we won't think about it (like that's true) or in the case of SO much music overly using it as if it's taboo and by mentioning it they're being badass.

I want to go to college and be like my brother or Seugne, have fun meet new people, speak english constantly, learn things, be challenged, i'm not as hopeless as my mom thinks I am and I think I could get a job at a coffee place despite the scars on my hands. I want to be in a different country, I think i've gained a quiet acceptance of Denmark, but these dreams i've been having, these ecstatic dreams where I am so happy at the thought of being in Scotland and away, out of Denmark make me believe that Denmark may be a big of the reason i'm not happy, it still bothers me that i'm here. CIS was a form of refuge from Denmark, but I don't have it anymore, I felt my self grow more and more upset at Ubberup when there was nothing to shield me. Sure I want to go back, or at least a part of me wants the exercise and control over my food, cause it is difficult, and I think I could get over the suicide but the thing I know I couldn't get over would be the people, the ignorance, no I can't deal with that.