Lizzie the Lily

This is Lizzie, my peace lily. She was a gift from my company during my bereavement leave after my grandfather passed away 3 years ago. She is the ONLY plant I've kept alive for more than 6 months. No matter how neglected she gets, she never gives up. That's why I like her.

What a day.

I've had trouble sleeping for a while, but last night was the first time I literally did not sleep. At all. That was enough for me to finally decide to make a change, and as of today, I am on a break from the theatre through the end of February. I also tried to get an appointment with someone who can prescribe me some antidepressants so I can get the heck OUT of this funk, but the earliest appointment I've found so far was February 16th. I'm gonna keep trying, though.

3 people called to yell at me at work today. Three. In the five years I have worked there, I've NEVER had to deal with more than one irate call a day, and I only get those about once a year. It was jarring, especially in the context of everything else.

So to say "today was a rough day" doesn't even begin to describe it. But I am EXTREMELY proud of myself cuz I handled all those phone calls with warmth and professionalism so things can now be resolved amicably. And it took a lot of courage to ask for time off from performing, too. There is a lot of unpleasantness ahead, but at least I've decided to stand up and fight.

I've also had a nagging chest pain since about 2 in the afternoon. I strongly suspect that it's psychosomatic/related to the depression/anxiety, but every time I try to look it up online, all I find is "DIAL 911. DO NOT TRY TO DRIVE." This is disconcerting. I'm at a point where I'd like to have the peace of mind of knowing for certain that it's not some sort of cardiac issue, but the average charge for an chest pain-related ER visit is (apparently) $4k. I can't risk paying $4k only to find there's nothing wrong. How messed up is that? And as I was perusing my insurance documents to determine which hospital(s) I could go to, etc. I also found a clause that read "Patient must notify insurer before using ambulance services." Seriously. The health insurance system in this country is a national embarrassment. We should all be ashamed of ourselves that we let them get away with this crap.