It's coming .... (6)

Mrs St. Roud got all festive today. As well as her macho bearded santa impression we decided we are going to enter the best dressed office christmas tree competition by hanging it with licorice allsorts. Then I'll photograph it and win the office best christmas picture competition. Job done.

Other big news today:

My arse of a boss threw a pound coin at me which hit me bang on the forehead, hurt like buggery, then disappeared behind the paper clips on Mrs St Roud's desk."Oh goody" she said "every cloud has a silver lining". Oh yeah. The Boss gets a big laugh, Mrs St Roud gets a quid and I just get a headache. Explain the joy of christmas to me in all that.

But more significantly - the Higgs Boson news from Switzerland. Must have had ordinary folk throughout the land enthralled .... I can see the conversation in a typical English Village now....

Scene: The Grundy Farm in The Archers

Eddie: Eh Clarrie nearly Christmas! Reckon we'll 'ave a good one this year now that they've nearly proved the existence of the Higgs Boson particle.

Clarrie: Now don't you go all quantum on me Eddie Grundy! There's too much to do to get ready, I 'aven't got time for you to go sloping off down The Bull with that Brian Cox when we haven't even got the tree up yet! Anyway the 'iggs Boson was first postulated in 1964 and they've been saying "nearly" ever since then as far as I can see. Typical men! Always tomorrow, always putting things off! If it was down to a woman we'd have known years ago how electrons get their mass.

Jo: Arrr it ain't nattrel if you arsk me. They'll be trying to prove the existence of sanna clorrs next, these things are best left alone. Anyway I proved the existence of that their Higg Boson years ago, ain't nothin' special about thaat!

Eddie: Geddaway! How did you do that then!

Jo: Arr 'appens every year durns't it? Always the same on Christmas Eve, few pints, go ter Church

Clarrie: And? Well,what 'appens then Jo?

Jo: Well midnight mass. God particle. I see 'em every year, then it all goes fuzzy and the next thung I know I'm waking up under the 'orse trough in Ambridge 'igh street on Christmas day.

Eddie: Eh nice one dad! Couple 'o pints o' shires and you can see right through the molecular structure of the universe! They could have saved a lot of money on that large hadron collider if they's just spoken to you first ...