We learn by going

There are rules for frost on dead leaves, rules for patterns of ice and not-ice, rules for blight and for blast and for winter afternoons. There are rules about who lives and who dies, rules about newborn babies and lingering illness. We don't know what the rules are till they assert themselves. We learn by going, where we have to go.

Little Haven clings to life, hooked up to machines. The rules will assert themselves, and she will live, or not. If she lives, there are hard rules she won't know till she breaks them.

I have known people who think they know what's right, what's good, and what to pray for. Some say you can know the good, the true, and the beautiful. I know the beautiful, but I know nothing more. I sit here with my breath held, waiting to see what will come, waiting to see what the rules say. I'm clueless and ignorant, astonished.

The Waking
I wake to sleep, and take my waking slow.
I feel my fate in what I cannot fear.
I learn by going where I have to go.

We think by feeling. What is there to know?
I hear my being dance from ear to ear.
I wake to sleep, and take my waking slow.

Of those so close beside me, which are you?
God bless the Ground! I shall walk softly there,
And learn by going where I have to go.

Light takes the Tree; but who can tell us how?
The lowly worm climbs up a winding stair;
I wake to sleep, and take my waking slow.

Great Nature has another thing to do
To you and me, so take the lively air,
And, lovely, learn by going where to go.

This shaking keeps me steady. I should know.
What falls away is always. And is near.
I wake to sleep, and take my waking slow.
I learn by going where I have to go.
--Theodore Roethke.

You can hear him read it here.