Day 3 - Log Cabin Adventure

Day three of our log cabin adventure and Im finally starting to shift man cold it would seem.


Over breakfast Holly and her friend Mirren are discussing a lady that abandoned her baby in a phonebox and Im lugging into their conversation when Mirren asks Holly what a phone box is. It was like a classic Naked Gun, Aeroplance or Files of Police Squad moment when she delivers the come back of "its a box... and it has a phone in it".

Its like that classic line, "who are you and how did you get in here, Im a locksmith and Im a locksmith." or "its the hospital!, what is it ? Its a big building where sick people go".

Graham and Iris are away home today and we head on into Stirling as Connie wants to futher the employement of slave labour by shopping at a well known cheap shop that begins with a P followed by six other letters, but I dont wish to publish this name unless any vegetarians are reading and want to sue me for slanderously suggesting that P followed by six other letter are using nine year old little boys and girls to sew for eighteen hours a day to furnish the west with material goods at a discounted rate.

However, on the way Connie spots a dead sheep, which actually turns out to be a statue of something completely unrelated to sheep. We have a browse around one of those shops where we see the very amusing "cat in a bag". Dont worry, we arent in some weird Hong Kong market or other, its the gadget shop and no cats were actually injured whilst in said bag or while I was standing on its tail or kicking it around the shop floor.

The highlight of the day was in actual fact visiting Santa's Grotto. They must have had a bit of an elf shortage as both of the elves that were employed there were not unnatractive blondes. They must have been employed under some sort of equal elfertunities policy or something and I wasnt complaining as they were a bit easier on the eye that your traditional gravitationally challenged elf.

I mean whats the elfs coming to these days. ( sorry)

Anyways, the taller of the two hot blonde elves pops over and says "are you excited ?", Im wondering where she is going with this line of questioning, but just before I reply, I suddenly realise that she was talking to Holly.

The queue is taking forever to move and Im seriously bored, so much for santa getting to all the boys and girls in the world, he cant clear a queue of about twenty from the Thistle Centre.

The tall blonde elf has been relieved by the the slightly shorter blonde elf and Connie says "why dont you take a picture", I tell her that I dont think thats really appropriate until I realise that once again i have my wires crossed and she means take Holly's picture with the elf. Somebody in starbucks must have not put enough espresso in my latte this morning.

After a scandalous waiting time, we finally get to the head of the queue and elfblond two, bends over in her particular short elf uniform, puts her hands on her knees and says "what do you want for Christmas ?", Strike three, turns out she was talking to Holly again. Damn you elves, its so confusing.

We finally get into the actual grotto bit and Santa asks what Holly wants for Christmas, now considering that we were in there all of about ninety seconds it begs the question why it took so long to clear a queue of about twenty or so children. I think that perhaps Santa and the elves were perhaps up to some elfshinanigans or they were helping him ensure his toy sacks were ready for Christmas.Put it this way, I dont think that Santa was pulling his own sled and Rudolph wasnt the only red nose.

On the wall, I seen an interesting childs list to Santa that sums up the children of today, it reads in order of preference. An ipad 2, remote control helicopter, moshi monsters, various Nintendo games, an intercom and somewhere languishing at number twenty six was a BIKE.

Holly seems rather dissapointed with this encounter with Santa and she advises me quite confidently that this wasnt the real Santa, his beard was sub standard, he smelled funny, didnt talk right and clearly the real santa lived in Florida. Probably the last year that she will believe in Santa and Im not going to spoil it, Im going to let some cruel kid at school take the blame for it.

I ask Connie how she feels about dressing up as an elf, but her answer is non commital.

On the way home Holly pumps and Ruby states that something in the car smells like dog meat. Oh from the mouth of babes.

Eric and Kaye join us this evening for hot tub and chinese food as they have been travelling around the northerly part of Scotland this weekend and stay the night with us as we have spare room. Oh, did you see the telly when Fattima Whitbread gets a cockroach stuck up her hooter, ooh that had to smart a bit.

Eric and I have quite pint in the Lade Inn where miraculously we find the hat that we didnt know Ruby had lost the previous day. Happy co-incidence.

Have discovered that the Lexus's sunroof is leaking, not surprising really consider the volume of water that has been falling out the sky over the past couple of days.