Go Faster Laces.

These are my new trainers. My old ones have to be thrown out after they received an Asbo for anti-social behaviour.

They have bright red laces which make them go faster.

Today when I walked I moved like Usain Bolt. I was a blur in the office.

I sang park life at Lunchtime.

Are these not the kind of trainers you buy when you are a few years off 40?

Who knowes.