its snowing im my kitchen

On one hand, yet another bad day, however there was key moments that really made me smile.

For example, Cheryl from the team that sits next to ours tells us a story of how that she went into Asda last winter with the intention of asking for those little menthol crystals that you disolve in hot water and inhale the vapour to unblock those pesky winter colds.

However, she explains that instead of asking for Mentholated Crystals, she explained that she had indeed asked for Crystal Meths. Once the sales assistant advised that she didnt know what she was on about, Cheryl dug herself a deeper hole by explaining, you know the ones, they are little white crystals and you sniff them.

On finally leaving work, Mark and I spotted a poor helpless lad who may possibly be the worst learner driver ever encountered on Britains highways and byways. Honestly, he had the worse case of kangaroo petrol I have ever seen and even as a seasoned, experienced driver I think that it would have taken great skill and expertise to make such a mess of taking away in an automobile. I kid you not, this poor little car was bouncing along the road with a massive queue of traffic behind him. Marks comment was simply, "not quite ready for the road there son"

My 9 year old daughter could make a car move better than that mate, give it up, driving just isnt for you, in fact, how about we go haffers on your bus pass, its safer for everybody.

If one motoring incident wasnt quite enough, we got to the mussleburgh slip road of the A1 and there was a man in a rather large mercedes trying to drive up the wrong way of the motoroway slip way. I had to double take that it wasnt Clarkson trying this manevour as surely there cant be that many people stupid enough to try this in the biggest mercedes you have ever seen that didnt belong to a German general.

If this excitement wasnt enough, I came home to it snowing in the kitchen with polystrene bits everywhere in the kitchen. This could only signal one thing, flat pack had arrived. Connie had ordered the worlds largest table for the worlds smallest kitchen, a bit like putting a round peg in a square hole.

I asked her why she hadnt of measured it first of all and she said that this was my fault for telling her that a meter and a half was about this size ( as she gestures with her hands).

It reminds me of the time that she measured our hall for the venetian blind, had it made to measure and cost me approximately £100, except when it had arrived she must have got inches, millimeters and centimetres mixed up as it was a pefectly minuture dolls house blind. Fair play to the company in question, they made a cracking blind except very very tiny.

Anyways, I digress I have to try and build this massive table and chairs, its the type that the chairs all tuck in a perfect circle underneath the table and Connie promises me a hand to do so, after she puts the brackets on the seats the wrong way, she takes the bairn to her violin lesson then walks the dogs, this of course takes the best part of two hours in which I build most of the furniture. Luckily, I had once before earned the prestigious accolode of winning the Ikea flat pack challenge.

However, when she returns she notices that I have put a small scratch in the bottom of one of the leather chairs and tells me I should have been more carefull.

Naturally this gets me wound up a little, so I leave her to build the fourth and final chair. Her answer to this is "I cant do that, Im a women". I go on a big rant about equality, emily pankhurst and getting the vote so she tries her best. She manages to build it and only needed a little assistance as to where to put the brackets, the screws and the four major components, but once this was done she was flying.

Ive always wanted to use that line in the disney movie cars, when one of them says "your mamma's a snowblower" Well, in our particular case this might actually be true this evening as literally this polystrene is everywhere. Im picking it out my hair, teeth, and other places that normally harbour blue fluff.