Excellent expressions. No. 5.

Godfather 2.

Means the 2nd wank of the day is unexpectedly good.
(like the film).

Funny?
I nearly tore my own spleen laughing when I heard it last night.

I think perhaps I should have been a boy.
Love swearing, wank jokes and snooker.

I know. Snooker.

I once bought some World Championship Semi-Final tickets
as a Valentine's present for a boyfriend.
Obviously they were for me, but I thought he would think
I was a really cool girlfriend for buying them for him.

I watched smugly as he opened the envelope,
he looked at me as though I'd just had a piss in his mum's mouth.

See, I'd be a perfect boy, always choosing the wrong presents.