View from the penalty spot

OK. It's the 85th minute, the game drawing to a close & it's a 0-0 nail biter. The referee, let's call him blind Charlie, awards your team a penalty & it falls to you to take the time honoured kick. You stand there, team mates & opponents all behind you, some muttering blasphemous warnings of biblical proportion fates that will befall you should you a. Score or b. Miss.

The wind suddenly revs up to gale force, it's currents whipping through your shorts & leaving your manhood somewhat confused, & you wait for the ref to blow his god given whistle , his wind instrument that will never make the Orchestra tho he clearly believes it shud.

Do you go top right, bottom left or a gentle chip? Do you send the keeper the wrong way with your eyes or simply close your own & blast it?

Me? I do what I've done the last 3 times. I hit the ball as hard as I can with the outside of my right foot, hurtling the now fully armed missile into the far right corner where no human being cud possibly stop it.

And, as with the last 3 times, it does leave my boot at speed. It doesn't go in the far right corner. It does hit the keeper in the middle of the goal.

Biblical proportion fates await me. Again.