The Keeper of Secrets...

Challenge : What makes you happy?

Taking part in the challenge set down by Mandy and trying to avoid all the obvious things that make me happy.

Came up with quite a few but settled on something that really does make me happy and is purely a "me" thing ie not shared by the rest of the family......and that is keeping a written diary.

I have kept a written diary since I was 13 years old. Some years are recorded on an almost daily basis and some years there are only two or three entries for the whole year, but I don't think I have missed a year completely in all that time.

I love reading back over old entries, to teenage angst, early married life and the run up to motherhood. One of my favourite and most poignant diaries is the one I kept while I was pregnant, written purely for my unborn child, a record of how I was feeling, what I did, what size bump was right up until the day I was admitted to be induced.

Given the major problems with A's delivery, the entries afterwards make very harrowing reading but as the months go on, depsite the difficulties and problems, it is lovely to read the entries written to my little baby boy, telling him how much he now weighs, who visited us and what his favourite toys are. Priceless memories that would have long since been forgotten but for that little brightly coloured note book.

Some years I have used my diary purely as a record of what happened day by day (boring and funny in equal measure) but mostly I have used my diaries as an outlet for my thoughts and feelings, almost theraputically. Recording moments of great happiness, great sadness and great confusion (sometimes anger) over what is happening in my life.

It's amazing how easily those feelings can be evoked just by reading over old diary entries. One day I was really sharp with D and he said "what's up? Have I done something to upset you?" and I burst out laughing when I realised I was annoyed because I had been reading about an argument we'd had in 1987!!!

Since starting to blip, my diary entries are few and far between and that saddens me a little. I really must make more effort to write in it, after all there are things I would record in my diary that I would never dream of recording here!! LOL!

And that brings me to a dilemma.....what is to happen to my diaries once I am no longer here? The ones I wrote for Alan aside, the rest are purely an outpouring of thoughs and feelings and my take on events. Not really meant for sharing with anyone else. (Jeez, God forbid!!!!!!) but I can't really bring myself to destroy them.

Hmmmm....one to ponder.

Monday nearly over peeps...:))))) xx