DAD

This is my bay tree. My Dad's girlfriend (lady friend) gave it to me in 2003. OK, it's looking a bit worse for wear but I'm sure with a little bit of TLC it will be fine by next year. And anyway it's still producing really nice bay leaves for flavouring caseroles etc.

My Dad died 9 years ago today. He was 71 years old and had been diagnosed with lung cancer. Diagnosed and dead within a month.

Can't believe that it's that long ago. I can remember exactly what I did on that day as though it were yesterday. Dad didn't smoke, hardly ever drank, didn't do anything remotely unhealthy and yet at 71 years of age he died - just like my mother did 4 years previously aged 65 (bowel cancer).

One of the hardest things was having to tell my maternal Grandmother. She'd watched my mother (her daughter) die, then I had to tell her that her son-in-law had died. She refused to come to the funeral. I still wish she had, but I could understand why she didn't. She was in her late 80's and didn't want everyone looking at her and asking why she was still alive when her daughter & son-in-law weren't. Does anyone have any answers?

My Dad was married to my Mum for 40 years when she died and he said he'd assumed they'd have at least another 20.

Three and a half years after Mum died he met someone else. He was lonely, had never, ever lived by himself. He wanted someone to replace the gap that mum had left.

I only met his new lady friend 10 days before he died, even though he'd known her for about 9 months. She was besotted with him and was a huge support to me in the days before his death. Who knows what would have happened if he'd lived.

I kept in touch with her for a while after Dad's death and she even came to visit me a year later - hence the Bay tree which she bought me as a pressie.

However, as my sister once said - you have friends for, 'a reason, a season or a lifetime'. My Dad's ladyfriend was a friend for a reason (to help me cope with Dad's last days), a season (because she was only around for a while) but not a lifetime.

We've lost touch now. There was no reason for us to stay friends forever. I know she truly did love my Dad even after only a few months but at the end of the day there was no reason for me to stay in touch with her.

However, I'll always be eternally grateful to all the help and support she gave me during the last 10 days of my Dads life, I love my Bay tree - and it will look better next spring - it always does.

..............And Dad - I'm sorry I was such a stroppy teenager.