Conspiracy theories 1: Edinburgh tram works

Sh.. I will say this only once. I've finally figured it out. The signs were there all along. Heavy duty roadworks everywhere: home st, forest rd, princess st and now this evening I came home to a huge crater in my street fortified by corragated iron. The enormity of the truth collided with my paranoia faster than flying satellite debris. Of course (finger snap) the Scottish govt are building underground escape tunnels. Come the mayan apocalypse, economic meltdown, terrorist dirty bomb and / or environmental collapse the elite are creating underground escape tunnels all under the guise of public construction. Ever wondered why the parliament was so late... ? Below ground safe rooms. Tram works? Subterranean transport system to get to the airport for emergency evacuation. If only the truth was known we'd congratulate them on the efficiencies and rejoice in the disruption...

Course when they realise I've spilled the beans I'm in for it. Can't take any chances. I'll just sit here in the dark and watch my neighbours for signs of infiltration....