Ye cannae polish a turd

I am no oil painting, to which countless young ladies in the Edinburgh area can testify, but I wanted to see what I'd look like with some post processing applied to my rugged visage.

Would Photoshop miraculously transform me into George Clooney?

Alas, despite playing with numerous plug-ins and filters in Photoshop, my cosmetic aspirations are still beyond the limits of today's software technology.

And so, as we say in Scotland: "Ye cannae polish a turd!!"

(Apologies if this has given you nightmares)