BAKING DAY

Fruit Cake to my Granny's old recipe:

You'll need the following: 1 C water 1 C sugar 1 C brown sugar 4 large eggs lemon juice 1 tsp. baking soda 2 C dried fruit nuts 1 tsp. salt 1 FULL bottle of your favorite whiskey Sample the whiskey to check for quality. Take a large bowl. Check the whiskey again to be sure that it is of the highest quality. Pour one level cup and drink. Repeat. Turn on the electric mixer. Beat 1 C of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add 1 tsp. sugar and beat again. Make sure the whiskey is still okay. Cry another tup. Turn off the mixer. Break two legs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit. Mix on the turner. If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers, pry it loose with a drewscriver. Sample the whiskey to check for tonsisticity. Next, sift 2 cups of salt. Or something. Who cares. Check the whiskey. Now sift the lemon juice and add one table. Spoon. Of sugar or something. Whatever you can find. Grease the oven. Turn the cake tin to 350 degrees. Don't forget to off the beat turner. Throw the bowl out the window. Check the whiskey again. Go to bed. Who the heck likes fruitcake anyway?!