Pint

Not very imaginative, but that largely sums up my day today.

I'm aware that writing about this is very boring, but it's nice to put it somewhere.

I've started seriously thinking about seeing the counselling service this year at University. At least once. Although I have only felt so depressed once in my life I am very overwhelmed by how much it prevented me from achieving, and how much it affected my friendships with people.

I know it was very normal. I got very wrapped up in little things and sort of forgot how to connect with people around me in the way that I used to. I also know that in many ways it is normal to have 'dips' for a while and then feel better. But I also don't think I let anyone help. Even if my ex had said to me that I was not the same I would have rejected what he said, I wouldn't have seen how to make it better.

That's another thing that's bothering me today. I have come over all 'understanding' of him at the wrong time. Maybe if I had done this two months ago we'd have got back together. Maybe that would have been a big mistake. I am still worried that I insisted too much on the honesty. I'm not even that angry about Elle today, despite how insane she was towards me.

All I know is that I never really feel entitled to say anything of consequence, because I am aware of how quickly my mind changes or moves along. A few days ago I was livid with ex-boyfriend, now I don't even care about the girl he cheated on me with and who reminded me of it all the time. That's just an example. I don't have any faith in assertions I make, and making them holds me back because I often feel obliged to maintain them, even when I'm moving on.