The problem with

falling down the stairs and doing this when I was less than 1 year old and then spending a lot of time doing stuff like this and this until I was 14/15 years old, and then going back to the same stuff when I was 18/19 is that I have very dodgy knees.

They were dodgy when I was young - I was treated over the course of two years at hospital, having to have corrective heel inserts in my shoes to adjust the position of my feet because of the pressure I was causing on my knees by walking with my feet turned outwards.

I dislocated one of my knees when I was at high school. It became one of the great urban myths of my year group that in doing it, my knee cap somehow escaped and was mistaken for a shuttle cock (yes - I know, ridiculous!). That first dislocation occurred 4 weeks before a ski-ing holiday. My Dad happened to be very good friends with a Sports Scientist and I was subjected to almost daily physio treatment to try to get myself fit for ski-ing. Sadly, I didn't make it.

Subsequently, my knees (both of them) have dislocated at the most unlikely of times, usually when I haven't done anything to provoke it. They tend to be partial dislocations - slips out then almost immediately back in again. It knocks me sick everytime it happens and leaves me with a ridiculous limp/dragging leg for a couple of days afterwards. The most inopportune moment I can recall was following my Mum and Roy back up the aisle at their wedding. I didn't even yelp - just paused, then tried to pretend nothing had happened.

Add to all of this my tearing my medial ligament late last year, and you can imagine that my knees are the cause of some consternation for me.

The weather these last few days - cold, damp - has not helped and so I find myself in some degree of pain this evening. The mobility in my left knee over the last two days has reduced considerably and I am struggling to walk down steps or stairs.

I'm 38 for crying out loud. I have the knees of my Grandad apparently - and he passed away nearly 6 years ago.

There's nothing else for it except topical remedies. No painkillers as I have consumed wine!