He Who Would Valium Take

After the wind comes the rain; short storms that drench the streets and anyone unlucky enough to be out on them. Not me, thankfully. I'm nice and warm inside, with Half Man Half Biscuit's hymn to everything that's wrong with England today to ensure there's a smile on my face.


The car that's parked on a pavement narked
Pedestrians, and children with chalk
Their games, their shapes, their capers, their japes
Destroyed by some thoughtless shitehawk

And yea, though I walk in the road to get past
I am not in the least afraid
For soon I shall fly to the sweet by and by
Away from a world without shade

A streaker streaks and a nation shrugs
At a saucer-like disc in the sky
A stag weekend is a poor weekend
If the army is not on standby

Pub grub, pub games, pub bands, pub names
The pit-bull that's "great with kids"
If Chelsea, Chantelle and Jordan should gel
My fears would be laid to my skids

The maverick cops with their average flasks
And boring unorthodox ways
The previous life as a Pharaoh's wife
Is mightily irksome these days

The Lady in Red hides under the bed
From a husband who quotes Chubby Brown
It's cold and it's wet and a knell of regret
Is pealing throughout every town

Is pealing throughout every town