Marble

Today has been gloomy and cold. It marks the 3 year anniversary of my gran's death. Technically she passed away three years ago yesterday, but due to time differences, I found out today three years ago, if that makes any sense at all.

I think about her often and today especially so. She was a lovely Gran who taught me so much. I owe my baking skills and sewing skills to her (and my mum) and she untaught me how to crochet left-handed (thanks mum!) as well.

I still miss her and it felt very weird to go back to the UK at Christmas and not see her. She never really recovered from losing Grandad many years ago and it was really a blessed release that she went quietly and in a dignified way.

For Gran

I remember when Dad had to pick us up to reach the button for the 14th floor
I remember the warm rug with the flowers
I remember the forest painting, never knowing where it led
I remember eating at a small table, especially for us
I remember your gingerbread and your fluffy sponge cakes
I remember you being the only person I knew who used tealeaves
I remember your door always being open when we came to visit
And I remember you pressing coins into our hands when we left

You seemed so small and fragile when I hugged you recently
You seemed so lonely and sad when I saw you
Your spark had gone out
So much loss, so many people gone

Now you're in heaven, safe in the Lord's arms
You can throw away the walking stick you never liked to use
You can throw away the hearing aid you never thought you needed
You can walk, you can run, you can dance if you like
You're with Granddad again and all those people you have lost.
And I feel selfish for wishing you were still here with us
In a world you'd loved but outgrown.
We'll miss you Gran.

May 2005

I miss her heaps but she wanted to go for a long time and now she has. Rest in Peace, Gran and know you're loved.