World, meet Sidney

I'm alive.

It was a close run thing, but I won.

With the smell of blood in its nostrils, It chased me up the stairs, as i threw my self into my bedroom and slammed the door in its face.

I thought i was safe, and began to relax and catch my breath, but one by one, its legs appeared from under the door as it pulled its hairy body over the threshold.

For a second we eyed each other, sizing each other up, neither of us moving.

Then in one swift movement, I leapt- using my new found Corsican leg muscles, to my pint glass, picked it up, drank the contents and spun to face my adversary.

The floor was empty.

Silently i stalked around the side of the room, checking the walls and ceiling as i went, waiting for it to make a wrong move.

Eventually it did, and stuck its fanged head out from under the bed for just a split second too long. I didn't need a second chance, and pounced - pint glass upturned to capture this foul beast.

For a second, we were locked together in a battle of skill and strength, it caught the edge of the glass and tried to turn it back on me. Arms shaking, and sweat beading on my forehead, i slowly overpowered the arachnid and forced the glass down.

I'm a lover, not a hater, so I didn't want to kill such a worthy adversary. And besides, there's no guarantee that it wouldn't catch my walking boot and smack me over the head with it. So i bravely opened the window, slid an envelope under its glass prison and threw Sidney with all my might next door.