forces unleashed

My bum does not look like this. I know. I've seen photos. I own a mirror. I don't have a comic book superhero bum. Which is what this is.

All those tough chicks, flying through the air, shooting energy beams and kicking the cr#p out of villains... this is what they're hiding under their costumes. That's not the butt of an ordinary human.
Yet it's used to sell stuff to mere mortals.


I do own underwear like this. And while I can get away with it without being sued for visual cruelty, there's panties that are way more flattering than this one.
Panties I can actually wear without dimming the lights.

My bum manages to look good in riding pants, but it would fail to install a sense of awe in bystanders if I were to clad it in indestructible spandex.
It does not possess that kind of super power.


It's good to know these things. Knowledge is power. It's called a reality check. And in today's world it has become a super power.
Looking around on the streets these days it's clear that most people don't possess it.

Perhaps I should applaud their bravery. They fearlessly accept the thong challenge, regardless of their physique.
Clearly outmatched by the forces of reality they display their superhero uniform, letting it peek out between hip cut jeans two sizes too small and flesh that's been sculpted in countless battles with evil fast food. So brave.


Professor Xavier needs to open a franchise in every major city and open his doors to humans, help them use their hidden power of reality check.
Everyone needs to use that power. It prevents you from assaulting your fellow humans with lethal visuals, thus turning you into a super villain.


Find your inner super hero! Let your bum be a force of good, not evil.