Street

Top 10 funniest jokes of this year's festival as voted by someone or other.

1. Nick Helm ? ?I needed a password eight characters long so I picked Snow White and the Seven Dwarves.?
2. Tim Vine ? ?Crime in multi-storey car parks. That is wrong on so many different levels.?
3. Hannibal Buress ? ?People say ?I'm taking it one day at a time.? You know what? So is everybody. That's how time works.?
4. Tim Key ? ?Drive Thru McDonalds was more expensive than I thought ... once you've hired the car ...?
5. Matt Kirshen ? ?I was playing chess with my friend and he said, 'Let's make this interesting'. So we stopped playing chess.?
6. Sarah Millican ? ?My mother told me, you don?t have to put anything in your mouth you don?t want to. Then she made me eat broccoli, which felt like double standards.?
7. Alan Sharp ? ?I was in a band which we called The Prevention, because we hoped people would say we were better than The Cure.?
8. Mark Watson ? ?Someone asked me recently ? what would I rather give up, food or sex. Neither! I?m not falling for that one again, wife.?
9. Andrew Lawrence ? ?I admire these phone hackers. I think they have a lot of patience. I can?t even be bothered to check my OWN voicemails.?
10. DeAnne Smith ? ?My friend died doing what he loved ... Heroin.?

Not brilliant, eh?

Was listening to Radio 4 this morning and chap on it came up with a couple of funnier ones, I thought:

Greece has stopped making taramasalata and hummus. It's a double-dip recession.

and

Man: "Doctor, I can't say my Fs and Ts"

Doctor: "Well, you can't say fairer than that."

I think my favourite doctor-doctor joke is this one:

Man: "Doctor, there is a steering wheel where my penis used to be."

Doctor: "Is it bothering you?"

Man: "Bothering me? It's driving me nuts!"

Ha Ha....