This is pants

Incredibly optimistic Raheny_eye:
Hello Mrs Service [looking at name tag] Customer. Customer Service. I've come to exchange this pack of XXL hip hipsters for a pack of medium hip hipsters hurray. I got confused, I thought it was about the size of the mickey inside the pants, not the waist measurement...

Incredibly bored yet inflexible Penney's Customer Service representative:
Sorry... erm... Sir... but we do not exchange or refund underwear.

R_E: Of course, I can understand, but these are obviously unworn, look, the pack is sealed and untouched

I_B_Y_I_P_C_S_R: Sorry. Company policy

R_E: But surely, this is in breach of my consumer's rights

I_B_Y_I_P_C_S_R: Look, it is written here (in 6.5 pt font) on the notice behind my bored but inflexible back. Listen, we don't exchange or refund these. Company policy. You can talk to a manager if you want.

R_E: Good idea! Bring on your big shot manager!

I_B_Y_I_P_C_S_R (picks up internal phone): Ray?... Yes... We have a "pants" at the desk... ok

Young Inflexible Manager with shiny "Manager" tag pinned to his left breast:
Yes?

R_E: I'd like to exchange this pack of unopened untouched unsoiled unpubed pants for a similar pack in a size that will better complement my svelte figure

Y_I_M_W_S_M_T_P_T_H_L_B: Sorry... erm... Sir, strictly no exchange or refunds on underwear

R_E: Look, I am appealing to your sense of... erm.. common sense, here. I can understand why such a policy would be in place. I can fully understand that for obvious hygiene reasons you do not wish to operate a crab exchange club within the Penney's discerning clientele. But, and there is a but, they are totally untouched. They have never been in contact with my (fluffy) arse. Look! The pack is sealed! I did not buy a plastic packaging resealing machine just so that I could exchange an economy pack of hip hipsters.

Y_I_M_W_S_M_T_P_T_H_L_B: I know, I know, but this is company policy, it is very strict, no exchange or refund on underwear

R_E: are you accusing of having worn these?

Y_I_M_W_S_M_T_P_T_H_L_B: no, I believe you, but we will not exchange them. Company policy.

R_E: You do realise that what you are telling me may have been scripted by the Monthy Python? This is idiotic

Y_I_M_W_S_M_T_P_T_H_L_B: sorry, company policy, I have strict instructions.

R_E: this is affecting my consumer's rights

Y_I_M_W_S_M_T_P_T_H_L_B: it is written at the bottom of your receipt (in 0.75 pt font): no exchange or refunds on underwear

R_E: I am not going to leave it at that. Can I take a photograph of the two items with the receipt?

Y_I_M_W_S_M_T_P_T_H_L_B: I can't see why not...

So I took a photograph of the 2 pairs of underwear, swore that I would not leave it at that, that they'd see me in the Underwear High Court and left. After having picked the pack of M size underpants.

They never realised that I had left the XXL behind. And a few extra pubes in them