Breakfast from the shore

This is about wild food and you may not want to read on if you are
a) squeamish
b) vegetarian
c) averse to killing anything

I've always loved gathering and foraging in the outdoor larder. There's the thrill of search and discovery, the intimacy with the natural world, the intensity of flavour and aroma, and the delight in getting food for free. It's been a habit in my family since before I was born, when my parents rode out the war with very little money in a cottage on the Welsh borders. They collected edible fungi, leaves and berries, even ate the leftover limbs of rabbits that the cats had caught but not finished.

As a teenager I learnt how to tickle trout and even to paunch a hare. Nowadays I would not readily kill a vertebrate but living on the coast presents all sorts of edible possibilities. Mussels are the most obvious choice, and razor clams when I can get them. But common limpets?  There's no doubt they have been a fallback, poverty food throughout the ages along the Celtic fringe where they can be found in great quantities, but they do present a challenge: difficult to harvest from the rocks to which they cling with iron suction, and hard to render palatable since the flesh is on the chewy side and has been likened to India rubber.

However I believe I have come up with an ingenious solution, and it may indeed represent my chief legacy to world: limpet patties. The collage reveals the main stages of the process:

1. The limpets, having been prised from the rocks using the point of a knife (a sharp kick also works but make sure you are wearing stout shoes), must be washed and scrubbed then steamed for a few minutes until the shells fall off.
2. When cool, separate the foot (flesh) from shells and remove the gut sac and byssus thread.  This is the most unpleasant part as the sacs are somewhat squishy. However we have a cat who likes them. Rinse clean the remaining meat and put it through a  strong mincer along with a rasher of bacon, some onion or garlic, a crumbled slice of wholemeal bread and plenty of pepper. (Mushrooms can be added too and wild garlic  or laver seaweed make excellent additions.)
3. Mix all together with a  beaten egg and then form into rough-hewn patties on a plate sprinkled with oatmeal.
4. Fry on both sides in bacon fat, oil or butter. Garnish with a slice of lemon.

Now, savour the delicate marine flavour, the crispy crust and the moist, nubbly texture of this gastronomic miracle - one that has travelled neither air miles nor road miles to your plate, has been gathered with no environmental damage and is as common as the muck (well, algae) on which it feeds.

Fuller details of  limpet cuisine on application. I would be delighted to hear if anyone tries it.  Surprise yourself!  Impress your friends! Feel virtuous!
Obviously I can accept no responsibility for any untoward physical consequences but do collect your limpets from clean shores.