Disney

Managed so far to avoid the saccharinity of the Disney experience but touched on it today at Downtown Disney - the retail, restaurant and entertainment complex tucked away on the fringes of the Magic Kingdom itself. Even the Disney invented name for this sort of place - shoppertainment center - had me screwing up my face before I got there.

Too many people for my liking, too many queues (sorry, lines) and too much in-your-faceness from the no doubt very sincere staff (sorry, cast members). Don't make eye contact or a beaming Brandon or Brittany will be there asking if you need help. My usual ploy of saying, in as broad a Scottish accent as possible, "naw, just looking neebur" usual has the desired effect and they'll retreat with a trailing "your welcome sir..." almost instantly. We may speak English both sides of the Atlantic, but there's a fair bit of interference going on over the ocean somewhere.

As for the young lassies dressed as some Disney princess or other and sprinkling fairy dust over your hair as you tried to escape the massive Disney store, chirping "bibbidy-bobbidy-boo, now all your wishes will come true" as they did, one look at my scowl and they put down their perspex eye protectors quicker than Mickey dropped Miley.

The saddest site for me though was tucked away in one corner of the complex. In the much quieter 'Art of Disney' store, tucked behind the saturated framed prints and paintings of disney characters, was an old gent huddled over his drawing board, churning out sketches of Mickey and chums for $65 a time. A video camera displayed his meticulous drawings as they slowly progressed and not once did he lift his head to acknowledge the people watching. I may be overly cynical, or maybe he just wasn't in the mood, but I've seen animals in a zoo looking happier than this poor wee man.

The lines (sorry, queues) at all the overly themed restaurants were ridiculous and as the skies were darkening and the lightning was beginning to flash nearby we decide to cut our losses and head back to the car, against the flow of the Saturday night crowds coming into the place. Drove to a nearby Applebee restaurant and stuffed our faces for probably $50 less and without the wait, the crowds or the noise.

If we hadn't already made our minds up, today we decided the Magic Kingdom can wait for when the grandkids come along and, given the choice, our two cynical teenagers have decided to head back to another theme park tomorrow for our last full day in Florida.

Sorry Walt, Disnae work for me.