Flip-Flop Nation

Flip-flops are not shoes. They are chunks of cheap plastic manufactured by Chinese slave labor strapped to the feet of an ignorant populace in the most flat-foot producing way possible. The are, in a word, a menace.

If there is a fire and you are wearing flip-flops, you will be unable to escape and you will die. It is that simple. There are studies about this. And statistics. Just Google "flip-flop actuary table" and you will see for yourself.

There are two places where it is appropriate to wear flip-flops: In the parking lot on the way from the car to the beach and in the locker room to avoid standing in a puddle of something left behind by the less-than-hygenic whilst showering.

I do not wish to view the general public's nasty feet. I do not wish to hear the ubiquitous "thawk thwak thawk" sound that can only be generated by sweaty soles adhered to polyvinyl chloride. I especially do not want to be reminded of these things while I am trying to enjoy my heavily caffeinated high fructose corn syrup brown fizzy water.

Thank you, Coca-Cola marketing department, for ruining the last four minutes. (Good use of negative space, though.)