May we come in?

It's been piddling down all afternoon and quite cool. Punky and Funky have been loitering disconsolately in the porch waiting for the door to be open, which it usually is on fine days.

In the end I go out to speak to them:

Now look here, you're ducks - you like the wet, and what's more you're Muscovies - that means you're used to cold weather.

No! We're not common or garden ducks, we're related to the Goosey-Ganders, dontcha' know?
And what's more, we have nothing to do with Russia*, we come from Central and South America - you know, Mexican waves, Columbian marching powder, Brazilian waxes...

OK, but when you come in you leave crap all over the floor!

What, you mean this? We can't help having frequent bowel movements. How ungrateful you are! After all the slugs and snails we eat...

And they stalk off, leaving a pile of poo in the porch.

* They are right, there are a number of different theories as to how they got the name, according to Wikipedia.