Falling

The events of yesterday have left me drained, both physically and emotionally. While a solution was provided, which I am beyond grateful for, it seems the person who provided it will hang it over my head for the rest of their life. I'm being treated like an idiot for getting myself into a situation so far out of my control... But it never was in my control to begin with.

Despite knowing that the problems will be solved shortly, I feel like I'm falling through the dark into the fires of hell. Having something held over me from someone I cannot escape is actually a worse feeling than staring down the possible outcomes had help not been offered. So, as I have been doing lately, I vented in the form of drawing.
Let me tell you, drawing this was a bit like falling into the pits of hell, too. Doing the red wash in diluted oil paint and waiting for it to ALMOST dry to get the effect I wanted... Then drawing mostly in charcoal. I still don't have any of the non-smudge spray, so, I ended up smudging in places I didn't want to smudge.
Note to self: BUY THE DAMN SPRAY!

"Heaven bend to take my hand, nowhere left to turn.
I'm lost to hose I thought were friends,
To everyone I know.
They turn their heads embarrassed, pretend that they don't see.
But it's one missed step, one slip, before you know it
And there doesn't seem a way to be redeemed.
Though I've tried, I've fallen. I have sunk so low.
I messed up. Better, I should know.
So don't come 'round here, and tell me 'I told you so'."
~ Fallen - Sarah McLachlan