Things to do

I have been an extremely bad blipper. To be honest it is because I have struggling with myself about how honest I want to be on here. For the past couple of months before I stopped blipping regularly I had been using blip as a place to vent my frustrations and store secretes. I had also kept a couple of things to myself because I am of the stupid frame of mind that if you talk to too many people about something that is a ?maybe? it won?t happen.
I passed my university course and had applied to do the next step of it. I had to apply to do it full time because that was the only way that I could afford to do it. I had also applied to do my PhD. The PhD was the first pick but I figured it was a long shot so the counselling course was my back up. Needless to say both fell through. I didn?t have enough volunteering experience to do my PhD and the counselling course offered me a place in a part time (Unfunded) capacity which I had to turn down. I tried to appeal to the University but they had had a lot of applicants and only 3 positions in the full time course.
So as of that week I had no plans. I had no future direction. I was no longer moving forward. I was a waitress with a degree in a world of people being made unemployed.
As I sat after all options were exhausted I thought....wouldn?t it be easier if I jumped out the window?
I know that?s a disturbing thought. It?s disturbing to me too, which is why I instead phoned my doctor and made an appointment. I asked to be put on anti depressants. Something I think I should have done months ago. So that is something I have been battling with myself over telling the world. But I have received so much support from other blippers I figured I could speak up.